Responsibly Irresponsible

Well... That was certainly a shock. I went to link something to a friend of mine and found that, for some reason, my blog had been removed. I'm not entirely certain who did it, or why, but it seems to be back now. Obviously.

The weirdest thing about that is that I never received an email or any other kind of contact regarding any kind of violation that would result in my ramblings becoming removed for one reason or another. The only thing I can figure is that whoever did it got mad that I didn't have anything valuable in my inbox and decided to be a jerk and yank the blog.

So, anyway, I'm sitting here at a friend's house, doing my good deed of the week and agreeing to watch his spawn for him while he works tomorrow/today/meaningless title to a title-less concept, and on the way, I started thinking about responsibilities and what mine are, and how I always put them off until the very last minute.

For example, I have yet to file my taxes, mostly because I am a fool.

That aside, what amazes me is just how responsible I am about my irresponsibility, paradoxically. I was discussing with a good friend the other day about this very thing, and that's what planted the seed. We were talking about how we always put things off until the last possible minute, but it always manages to get done and done on time, correctly, the first time. For the most part.

Or something along those lines.

Really, what it boils down to, is that I feel the need to live for the adventure of living, and not for the sake of it. Life is short - too short to just take for granted and let slip you by. We aren't getting any younger and we sure as hell can't live forever. Not in a physical sense. So... why not experience anything and everything you can?

I'm not saying go hog wild and completely blow off responsibility by getting yourself hooked on hard drugs because who the hell cares anyway kind of thing, but I am encouraging the taking time off from work and doing more than just lazing about the house in one fashion or another. Ever wanted to go to Maui, for example? What, realistically, is holding you back? Chances are, nothing that's of any real consequence anyway, so why not go ahead and do it?

I have had many adventures in my time due to many factors, such as a willingness to take stupid risks in the name of entertainment and good old-fashioned American mischief, and a lack of proper impulse control. My friend has a hard time of getting me out of the house to just come and hang out, but at the slightest suggestion of adventure or something out of the ordinary, I jump at it, because.... well, again: Why the hell not?

Example: If all someone wants to do is hang out, I'd rather sit at home and play a video game. However, if someone wanted to go knock on every door in Baltimore until we found someone he was looking for, I'd be all over it, because that just sounds like an afternoon to me.

Look, I'm not saying to do stupid things like going around, knocking on doors, but I am encouraging you to go out and do the things that you really want to do. Why sit around inside, sulking, when you can go for a hike or to a cafe or something to meet someone new? Why pass up the opportunity to make the day an interesting one, rather than a dull one?

What is stopping you? Honestly?

I say that what's stopping you is nothing more than you just not really thinking about it. The thought to do something out of the ordinary crosses your mind, but chances are, you dismiss it immediately because why bother with the unknown? You may not be doing anything interesting right now, but at least you know what to expect.

Am I right?

Probably not, but it was worth a shot.

I also just got to thinking about the things that I write here. When the blog went down, I realize that I've been taking it for granted. It's a lot more important to me than just some place to dump random thoughts. It's also a portfolio, of sorts, as there are many sub-sections that I have that are not available to the public (at this time) view, many of which contain other writing projects and even a few completed works. It was then that I realized that in my taking it for granted, I was being responsibly irresponsible with it. Sure, I posted in it, but not with the regularity that it deserves.

I won't go on some tangent, promising you more frequent updates, because that will probably never happen. I don't share all of my thoughts with you all, because I'd never stop writing. While that's awesome, it's also not exactly realistic, because I don't have a way to make money off of this talent.

Another reason that I write in this blog is that I feel what I have to say with any particular entry is important. At first, at least, and then I go back and read what I wrote and usually feel lousy about it afterward. Some would say that's me being self-aggrandizing, and they'd be right, most likely.

I feel particularly lousy about this writing now, even before it is completed, but that's alright by me. I'm sure someone can glean some form of meaning from it somewhere, and if that's what happens, it doesn't really matter how I feel about it, after all.

Or I could just be a sociopath. Who knows?