Filtration Units

There have been many times throughout my life that I have gotten into trouble for not thinking about what I was saying before I said it. It's happened so many times that I've completely lost count, and it pains my head just to even consider thinking about it.

You see, the problem is that I tend to say exactly what's on my mind at the time, and that doesn't always sit well with people. They tend to react to truth - any kind of it - with defensive hostility. As soon as you say something that they aren't comfortable with, they start snapping and figuratively saying "Hey! Stop pissing in my Cheerios!"

After having spent some time considering the subject, I kind of want to talk about my conclusions on it.

I have noticed in my twenty-seven years of existence that when someone asks for your input, they aren't being very clear about what it is that they're actually requesting. Usually (not always, as there are exceptions to every rule) they are asking you to agree with them or take their side on the situation. They are not actually seeking out any kind of alternate perspective on it, but instead seeking out some kind of validation for their own feelings. They want someone else to say "It's alright to feel that way. You are totally justified in this."

I can certainly understand that for some situations, such as when you just turned down a job based on some moral principle, despite how much it paid. However, for the most part, people seem to want justification for being a jerk towards someone else, or because they are uncertain about some decision that they just made in one situation or another.

Again, I can understand the need for validation (Lord knows that I have experienced it enough to understand) but what I can't understand is the uncertainty in what you're saying/doing. Why would you doubt it? For all the talk of "having filters," people seem to be really unsure of what it is that they're doing.

I am beginning to draw the conclusion that people filter too much, and that's causing everybody to be unsure of what it is that they're doing. We are being told time and again that we have to be careful not to make anybody angry with our words, and this is resulting in way too much coddling and pussy-footing as far as I'm concerned, and the way I see it, it's preventing true progress from being made.

You see, we are rapidly getting to the point where to tell the truth to someone, you have to tell about ten lies just to start getting to the point. Example:

What You Say: Maybe pink isn't a color for you....
What You Mean: That shirt is hideous and you look like a reject from the 90's.

Yes, one is considerably meaner than the other, and the first way certainly spares some feelings.... but so what? The truth is the truth, and we should never, ever be ashamed of telling it at any given time, and certainly we shouldn't be so afraid to hear it.

When you tell someone the pure, unadulterated truth, something strange happens. The strange thing is that they react. React! Why is there any reaction to the truth beyond acceptance and understanding? I simply cannot understand.

I know the old saying that "the truth is harsh." Well, I posit that the harsher the truth, the more real it is. Reality is not a place of happy sunshine lollipops and rabbits. It's a harsh land out there, reminiscent of America as portrayed by the Fallout series, and you have nothing in this world - truly - if you don't have honesty, and more importantly, an honest idea of what honesty is.

Confusing, I know, but bear with me.

I think that people are lying to themselves about what honesty is. As a species, we seem to have this collective idea honesty means "agreeing with me." Sorry to break it to you like this, but that's a load of crap, and if you have this view of honesty, then you need to pull your head out of your ass.

Someone being honest does not mean that they are going to agree with you automatically. It means that they are going to tell you how they see the situation, and, if necessary, tell you what they think should be done in it. This means that they will sometimes agree with you - maybe even mostly - but there will be times that they don't, and as your friend, relative, mentor, and so on, it is not only just common decency but their responsibility to tell you the truth when they don't agree with you/your actions, and why.

They are not trying to change your mind. They are not trying to say that you're a bad person. They are simply telling you why they think that you are wrong. Let me say that again, only with emphasis on the important part: They are simple telling why they think you are wrong!

So, we all know that perception is reality, right? Well, I'm sure we all know the saying, yeah, but do we really know what that means? That means that everybody is perceiving the truth differently. This makes the truth - and honesty in general - a tricky concept. You can't just take one source of anything and say "This is the truth," because you just simply don't know. You have to look at the same thing from different perspectives to see what it really is.

Have you ever had a friend that everybody else swore was an asshole, and yet they treated you with nothing but respect and kindness? It's kind of like that. If you know someone like that, chances are they were being completely honest with someone and they didn't like it. Now, how they were being honest - and that's a discussion for later that probably won't happen - is entirely up in the air. Maybe they were honest about who they were really and screwed someone over, or maybe it was that they said or did something despite the opinion of the other person; who knows?

Further, who cares?

It has nothing to do with your relationship with that person.

Again, another discussion for a later time that will most likely never come.

I digress.

There are many different views on what is true and what is false, and as human beings we are blessed (or cursed, depending on how you think about it) with a brain that, despite its clunky design (David J. Linden lovingly calls it a "kludge"), does some rather amazing things for us in our day-to-day lives that we completely take for granted. One of these things that it allows us to do is examine something and see it for not only what it really is - or what we perceive it to be - but to look at it for what it could be.

When you look out of your window, what do you see? What does your brother see? Maybe your pets? What is it, really, that you see? I'm sure that if you asked the people listed, they would tell you. Perhaps it's what you see, as well, or maybe they are looking at the same thing in a different way. Your brother could see a creek where you see a stream. Pretty much the same thing, the only varying principle in their nomenclature being their size. Sure, it's not a very distinctive difference, but when it comes to the nature of communication, it can mean everything. Which paints a more impressive picture in your mind? Stream, or creek?

This is where things get tricky.

If someone were to ask you and your brother what you saw out of the window, your accounts would be similar enough, but the one detail that differs is that he says creek where you would say stream. Neither one of you is lying, as far as either of you are concerned, but that would be entirely up to whoever asked you the question. This person now has to formulate what was really seen based on the information that they have. Ultimately, it is up to them to decide on what is there - creek or stream - and that then becomes their truth.

With me so far? Good.

Now, I want to make this very clear: There is a world of difference between having a different view of the truth and outright lying to someone. Lying is something that you only do to manipulate a situation to your advantage - or rather, perceived advantage - in some fashion or another. This could be the advantage of favor, or financial gain, or some perverted sense of self-interest. Even though I am just as guilty of being a liar as any one of you currently reading this entry, I still don't understand the driving factor behind it. I have taken to a different method altogether, but I'll save that for a later entry.

When it comes time to tell the truth to someone - the truth as we see it - we hesitate because we are taught that nobody's feelings should ever be hurt, because that's just wrong. We are taught that if we just don't hurt the feelings of others, the problems of the world will just magically vanish one day. Yeah, a beautiful concept, but human nature is never going to let that happen, especially not with this kind of conditioning.

We are being desensitized to the truth and how to take it every single day, and there are various reasons for that. I intend on going into them at some point, but not tonight. Tonight, it's all about the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

The sake of the feelings of other people - both in general and towards us as people - is clouding our judgment. Sometimes, Sally needs to hear that she's turning into a bit of a whore. The harsh reality of a situation can shock someone back into sense, and realize what it is that they're doing. It can be a benefit to them, rather than a detriment, if they would just take the time to realize that you're not attacking them.

We can't be honest with each other, because we run what we want to say through so many filters that we are taught we need from an early age that we are forgetting our own humanity in a vain attempt to be more humane toward each other. If we would just say how it is that we really feel and make what we really want clear to other people right from the get-go, then I think the world would be in a better place.

Now, I'm not saying to go out and be a dick to people, because that's not the point of the truth. If you are using the truth to intentionally hurt people, then you are a monster of the highest caliber and I hope that there's a special place reserved in Hell for people like you. You are the ones that ruin the truth for everybody else.

That being said, I challenge you all to stop talking with filters, unless the situation deems it necessary (IE a job setting). But when you're not being paid to have certain courtesies, just start telling the truth! It's not that hard. Just look at something and say "Hey! That's not right!" or "Hey! This is awesome!"

Don't forget to clarify why. That helps a lot.

So the next time you are talking with someone and you find them blunt and direct, you should be thankful that you're talking with what is probably an honest person. That, or an absolute jackass.

I could just be a sociopath, though.