Before we start, I'd like to apologize for not giving this blog the attention that it deserves. I've been quite busy in life outside of the Blue Nowhere, what with getting engaged and now studying to take my LSAT exam in a desperate attempt to claw my way out of lower-class mediocrity. Also, work.
That being said, we're just going to jump right in to the hot-button topic that has been getting under my skin. I know that there's a lot of different things to talk about going on right now, from where I stand on the issue of Trayvon Martin (I'm not touching this subject with a ten-foot pole on this blog) to the latest scandal of the White House (too many jokes, not enough words in the English language), all the way to what I feel about Edward Snowden (maybe later). But that's not what we're talking about today. Today, we're going to revisit the topic of addiction, and how I feel about it.
This won't be the first time that I've railed against modern-day addiction "treatments" on this blog. Nor will it be the last, most likely. Not unless shit changes, and fast.
Now, as I say this, I want and need you all to understand something: I am an addict. I am also a former addict. How can this be, you ask? Simple. I have an addiction to nicotine that I am currently a slave to, but I've also kicked various other addictions in the past, including cocaine.
"But, Rob," you might say. "You are always going to be an addict! There is no getting better!"
Wrong.
The modern-day approach to treating addiction is exactly what causes people to say that, and what's worse is that they honestly believe every single syllable. This is a problem, because the programs that we force addicts in to and provide for those that truly want to get better are crap. I have said before that all they do is wear down a person's self-worth and convince them that they are sick and that there is no getting better. This is only half-true, and it's directly their fault. They talk up the first 12 steps of recovery (which, I might add, are designed to convert people into Christianity), but constantly neglect to mention the 13th step, which is as follows: Get the fuck over it.
You see, addiction is not the problem with those that develop it. Indeed, it is their attempt to solve the problem that leads to the addiction to begin with. If you cannot understand this simple concept, then you have no business attempting to lead others down the path of recovery yourself. It just cannot be done effectively.
Listen: I started doing various drugs and consuming more alcohol than what could be considered safe - much less reasonable - because I had a hole in my life. A big one. And I filled it with what was easily and readily available at any and all hours of the day: Substances.
I grew up as a social outcast. I had just two friends until I hit high school. I was that weird kid at recess who was never asked to join the soccer games or the kickball matches, or even to come play on the monkey bars. Even those regarded as the nerds and other rejects ostracized me. You all know the kid that I'm talking about. Hell, some of you might even be "that kid." That was totally me, and let me tell you, it fucking sucked.
Now, things didn't exactly get better for me until many moons later. Before then, I had to deal with my share of the shit that life shovels into your face if you dare come above ground for longer than it takes to get a breath of precious fresh air. I was taken away from my home (but only after the physical abuse ended), and ended up experiencing things that no child should ever have to endure. By the time that fiasco was done, I was a very angry and callous child. I wanted nothing to do with anybody. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was a damaged individual, and at the ripe old age of 11. To make matters worse, those that I went to school with regarded me as a ghost or some other kind of supernatural phenomenon that was better to be talked about in private circles than out in the open. It was disconcerting, to say the least.
It wasn't long before I started using escapism to cope. My choice to follow the path of addiction came subtly, at first, and it wasn't what you expect. Then again, what in life is?
Anyway, my first addiction was books. It changed - rather rapidly - from wanting only science fiction to branching out to mainstream and independent fiction, to start dabbling in literature and non-fiction, making the final leap into philosophy. I was - and still am - a voracious reader. It's not strange to find me reading two or more books at a time (I prefer a different book for each week day, in case you're curious). It was the final leap into the more... shall we say "exploratory" philosophers such as Timothy Leary and Terence McKenna that things took a turn that was awkward, and yet incredibly fun.
My very first drug was acid. I know it's not your typical gateway drug, but let me tell you: it was one hell of a gateway. After my very first experience - trying a mere two hits - I was fascinated. The connections that your mind can make after being introduced to that very special plane that one can only get after ingesting psychedelics.... well, that's another post for another time, not to mention that possible inappropriateness of unintentionally advocating the usage of psychoactive ingredients in a post that talks about getting over addiction.
So, after realizing that everything that I had learned about pretty much anything at all was complete and utter bullshit (yes, this is how I felt at the time that everything spiraled), I started experimenting with just about anything. To date, the only substances I haven't tried are (intelligently) the experimental ones that supposedly mimic the effects of the real thing, crack, and heroin. Rotten stuff, every one on that list, and any wise man would do well to stay far the hell away.
Anyway, so my addiction to escapism started to go. Soon, though, it became an addiction to the feeling of disconnect that comes with any form of intoxication. I was unknowingly trying to fill the hole in my life that was left there through not only the circumstances of upbringing and being practically friendless, but also my unwillingness to accept the fact that I was the one who put myself into this position to begin with due to my incapability of seeing how I could have done things different to better not only my situation, but myself, as well.
As addicts tend to be, I eventually went overboard. I developed a nasty habit with cocaine - a self-indulgent drug if there ever was one - and we all know the story from there. As much as I hate to say it, I became the stereotype coke head who couldn't handle it. Lost the girlfriend, the job, the home, the friends.... all that good stuff that we constantly take for granted.
A lot of people don't know this, but I went through the 12 steps. Not through any stupid organization that is meant to do nothing but perpetuate its own existence, but through the sheer power of God and the free will that He gave to all of us.
I'm not going to preach at you here, because again: That's not what this is about.
And, I think because I have done it this way, I realize that there is, indeed, a 13th step of getting over yourself, and now that the preamble is out of the way, we can get down to the real meat of the discussion.
My addictions - save for nicotine - various as they were, are a thing of my past. I realized something that I don't believe is possible in the "treatments" that we're forcing legitimately sick people into, and that's what the root cause of all of my problems was me. It wasn't something that I'm genetically predisposed to (something that a leading addiction medicine specailist is calling bullshit on anyway) or that I was a victim of circumstance or any of that other nonsense that people spout when it comes to this nonsense. At the end of the day, the problem was myself, and my inability to cope with terrible things that happened in my life, since I had very little in the way of being taught proper coping mechanisms, instead being allowed to indulge in other escapist behaviors that eventually led to drugs and their invariable abuse.
To anybody who has been/currently is in the "treatment" programs, let me ask you: How often do they ask you about your past? Your trauma?
And then we wonder why our current systems continue to fail, time and again. They are absolutely refusing to address the real causes of the problems that people are having. Rather than helping the addict travel the proper path to recovery, the one where there is a 13th step, they choose instead to take them down the path of those that are feeble. Rather than giving them the strength to face their trauma and get over it and realize that drugs or alcohol or sex or goats or newspapers or what-the-hell-ever is not the answer that they're looking for, and that depending on such things as a way to deal with it is not going to give them the peace that they seek.
Instead, they lie and cheat and manipulate those attending into thinking that they are worthless scum who will never get better. They choose instead to keep these people from getting better, truly, and brainwash them instead. And what's worse? Everyone thanks them for it.
My name is Rob, and I was an addict.
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