Here's a bit of what I'm currently working on, and it's actually holding my attention. It has no title yet. I'll decide it later, maybe.
What the hell is going on here, I wonder? Why can't I see anything? Why is everything made of agony? These are some of the more filtered thoughts running through my head as I begin to come around.
I attempt to roll over, and this proves to be the worst idea I've had since.... well, whatever the hell it was that got into my head that got me into this situation to begin with. The pain was unimaginable. It resembled something that would normally be reserved for only the harshest descriptions of Hell the place, not the expression.
It's around this time that I decide that I'm just about done with this blindness. With much force of will - and I assure you, noble readers, there was much of it despite my horrid state - I managed to open my eyes.
The world slowly came into focus. The process was expedited thanks to me somehow managed to coerce my leaden arms into functioning just enough to rub the nights eye mucus from my face. A glance at the digital alarm clock on the nightstand, finding that it's far beyond the night before. In fact, it's closer to the very next night.
With a loud groan that could shake the dead, I manage to sit myself up straight. This causes a lance of pain from behind my eyes as if someone shoved a red-hot poker through my frontal cortex. My eyes close, and the dreaded blackness returns, along with the Fear. My forehead falls to my hands, and the agony resumes.
Holy shit, what did I do? Further, when did I get an electric alarm clock? This thought disturbs me into actually looking around at my surroundings, which honestly hadn't before held any kind of import into me. What I see evokes only one thought:
I must be in Hell.
The room I'm in, which I can only assume was of the cheap motel variety that was popular for travelers, adulterers, swindlers, drug dealers, prostitutes, drug addicts and so on back in the 20th century, and really haven't changed much since then. I find stains and odd mold on the carpet, and the furniture is all rotten. The smell in the air is that of fungus dead twice over, with newer, more superior and therefore more smelly fungus to take over.
I look up, my sense of clarity getting sharper with each passing minute as the pain behind my eyes dulled to a small yet persistant throb, at the window. There are Venetian blinds - who the hell still uses those? - covering the window. I sigh, wondering just what backwoods town I've managed to land myself in this time.
Gritting my teeth, I stand up, feeling the white hot pain shooting throughout my body. Every motion seemed to bring more and more pain, and of course, the Fear as well. After standing still for a few moments, I blink a few times and wait for the world to stop spinning. When it finally does, I open the door and step outside.
The sights awaiting my eye orbs was not what I was expecting at all. Rather than the familiar hustle and bustle of city life that I am so accustomed to, I find myself standing on the second floor of a seedy motel, staring out at what can only be described as scorched earth. The ground was hard soil, sun-baked to cracked perfection. The office of the motel was, like the rest of the structure, in dire need of some general repairs and a new coat of paint.
Sighing, I close the door behind me, not even caring whether or not it's locked. It's time to get some goddamn answers. I walk down the steps, each one creaking its protest as I put my weight on it, the wooden planks looking just as bad as the furniture inside of the small room.
I head over to the office, my eyes now darting around, taking in my surroundings. Really, there wasn't much else to see beyond the various cacti in the desert and a few of those ever-living shrubs that are sold to unsuspecting consumers, even to this day. Shaking my head, I walk into the main office.
Behind the counter sits a fat man wearing thick glasses, reading a dirty magazine. His long, black greasy hair is pulled back into a ponytail, which does absolutely nothing for the widow's peak on his head that seems to have gained far more territory than what most men are comfortable with. He is wearing a white tank top - also known as a "wife beater" due to it being the choice garment of blue-collar workers who like to drink a whole lot of alcohol and then beat their spouses - and it seems to not exactly be a clean garment, judging by the foul-looking green blotch of a stain that can be seen on it. A long, thick cigar hangs from his mouth, permeating the atmosphere with pleasant-smelling carcinogens.
All in all, this guy was a total Neanderthal.
I clear my throat to get his attention. "Excuse me."
He looks up at me from his book, raising a thick bushy eyebrow as a form of query. "Whaddya want?"
What a question that was! I wasn't prepared to be questioned; rather, I was fully prepared to do the questioning. As a result, I wasn't exactly on guard in my reply. "Well... I was wondering.... that is...."
"Come on, wanker! I ain't got all day! Tryin' to run a business here!" the motel worker said, not even bothering to hide his magazine, and blatantly ignoring the wall clock that was in desperate need of a battery change, differing by a good three or four hours from the digital clock in the room, and sitting still, silent, and very dead.
"I came from room 204... I don't remember ever even checking into this place. Truth be told, I'm not even entirely sure where 'here' is. What can you tell me?"
"Room 204? Hell, kid, I thought you left days ago!"
I blinked at him, perplexed. "Days?"
"Yeah... you came here about four or five days ago, all hopped up on..... something."
Well, as much as I wanted to argue with the guy, I knew that I simply couldn't, as this isn't exactly out of the ordinary for me. That certainly explains the condition I woke up in! "You wouldn't happen to know if I mentioned anything about where I came from, do you?"
He grinned at me then, placing his magazine down. "Boy, you didn't need to say word one. You came in from the City."
"The City?"
"Wow. You must have been really whacked out, kid. Here, let ol' Gus show you." And with that, he places his meatpaws on his desk and used them to support himself a bit as he lifted his bulk up out of the cheap office chair - also stained - and walked around to my side of the counter. He pulls on some sun glasses and heads to the front door. "This way."
I follow him outside and walk to the road. He turns off to the left - not being entirely sure where I am at this point, I couldn't tell you what the cardinal direction was - and I follow his fat, sausage-like finger. Down the straight, two-lane narrow asphalt road, I see large structures in the distance. The unmistakable sign of civilization! I'm saved!
"About how far off is that place?"
Gus furrowed his brows, quite obviously trying to think harder than he probably has in years. At last, the answer comes. "About ten miles, give or take."
Damn. Too far to walk. I sigh, shoving my hands in my pockets. I quirk up a bit as I feel something in my pocket. Several somethings, actually. I pull my hands out and take look. There is a half-full package of cigarettes, a matchbook, two vials - one with white powder, and one with a greenish-blue thick liquid - a cell phone, a set of keys with a FOB attached, and a folded up piece of paper. I thank Gus for his help, getting a grunt as a reply, and head back to room 204 to further examine the items in my possession.
Entering the ramshackle room, I close and lock the door, trying my best to ignore the fact that this lock seems about as useful as nipples on a medieval breastplate. I sit down on the bed, Indian style, and pore over the contents of my pockets.
The phone is I mess with first. As luck would have it, it's completely dead. A quick scan of the room shows that there is no charger for it anywhere. Why would there be? If I really just spent the past four or five days or longer in a haze of drugs and debauchery again, it would only make sense that I would lose things of import like this. Now if only I could figure out how the hell I got this thing to begin with.
The next item on my list to examine is the folded paper. The keys couldn't possibly belong to me, as I don't own a car. I'll have to find their proper owner, or toss them into the desert somewhere, hopefully to be swallowed by an iguana monster. The vials could wait, as I had a good feeling what was in those.
The paper is folded into the shape of a shuriken. This is odd, as I lack the manual dexterity required for such artwork. Further, there is hand-writing on it, and what's more is that it's legible! Cleary, this can't be mine!
Thursday, February 09, 2012
Dusty
Now, I'm not entirely certain what has gotten into me lately that I haven't been having the usual flashes of inspiration to write in this blog like I was for a while there. I'd really like to say that I've been doing better things with my time, but that's just simply not true. The truth of the matter is that I've been subjecting myself more and more to the human condition, as every once in a while I decide that I'm going to give it another go, regardless of the data collected from the last time I made such a decision.
The world is still interesting and people are still blissfully ignorant of it.
However, with each new jaunt or adventure or journey or trip or whatever the hell you want to refer to it as into the public that I take, I am finding more and more that we, as a society, are compartmentalizing ourselves. This, of course, feeds into Circle Logic, which I'm still working on fleshing out, but it's also quite disconcerting in the directions that it's taking.
For example, were you aware that there are large amounts of people out there who are rallying against you right now, in a bold yet arrogant attempt to make the things that they find morally reprehensible when it comes to decision-making completely illegal? I know, I know! It's crazy! Or "cray-cray," as the kids are saying these days.
Now, I know that I wrote about something like this not too terribly long ago, so I won't sit here and beat a dead horse. I'm just going to take a bit of time - as in basically the rest of this paragraph, this visual representation of millions upon millions of 0s and 1s, all being calculated at speeds that most of you ingrates can't even begin to comprehend - to talk about it a little more. Just because you think abortions are wrong, that doesn't mean that they should be made illegal. It's not murder when you do it during the first trimester. If you don't think that's true at all, consider that the brain isn't even formed yet, and without the brain, we don't even have a soul yet. So take your fullness of ego and self-righteousness and shove it up your rectal cavity, because I really am sick and tired of hearing what you have to say. It is rarely, if ever, contextual or even well thought out. It's actually reminiscent of listening to a lower-class Republican (read: ignorant redneck) defending the invasion of Iraq.
Moving on, I started a new writing project last night. I'm hoping that it bears some fruit and I can get past the first couple of chapters. I figure that if I can make it to a fifth chapter or whatever - or at least 4k words - I'll be alright. Will that happen? Probably not, because I'll end up finding something else with which to waste my time. Who knows? Maybe I will finish it up and post it somewhere for people to read and enjoy and loathe and so on. Maybe, maybe not.
Other than that, not much else to report. I just didn't feel like this blog not having an update - even a minor thing like this - once again for yet another month. There's just too much going on in my head and not enough patience in reserves for me to be able to get it all down to paper. I would really, really like that, but I'm also entirely too much of a goddamn realist to have any hope of that happening. Instead, I am fighting to get down as much as I can, and eventually I'll make sense of this jumbled mess of words, ideas, thoughts, emotions, concepts, contexts, and so on.
Anyway, that's about it for now. Might do something a little more serious later tonight.
The world is still interesting and people are still blissfully ignorant of it.
However, with each new jaunt or adventure or journey or trip or whatever the hell you want to refer to it as into the public that I take, I am finding more and more that we, as a society, are compartmentalizing ourselves. This, of course, feeds into Circle Logic, which I'm still working on fleshing out, but it's also quite disconcerting in the directions that it's taking.
For example, were you aware that there are large amounts of people out there who are rallying against you right now, in a bold yet arrogant attempt to make the things that they find morally reprehensible when it comes to decision-making completely illegal? I know, I know! It's crazy! Or "cray-cray," as the kids are saying these days.
Now, I know that I wrote about something like this not too terribly long ago, so I won't sit here and beat a dead horse. I'm just going to take a bit of time - as in basically the rest of this paragraph, this visual representation of millions upon millions of 0s and 1s, all being calculated at speeds that most of you ingrates can't even begin to comprehend - to talk about it a little more. Just because you think abortions are wrong, that doesn't mean that they should be made illegal. It's not murder when you do it during the first trimester. If you don't think that's true at all, consider that the brain isn't even formed yet, and without the brain, we don't even have a soul yet. So take your fullness of ego and self-righteousness and shove it up your rectal cavity, because I really am sick and tired of hearing what you have to say. It is rarely, if ever, contextual or even well thought out. It's actually reminiscent of listening to a lower-class Republican (read: ignorant redneck) defending the invasion of Iraq.
Moving on, I started a new writing project last night. I'm hoping that it bears some fruit and I can get past the first couple of chapters. I figure that if I can make it to a fifth chapter or whatever - or at least 4k words - I'll be alright. Will that happen? Probably not, because I'll end up finding something else with which to waste my time. Who knows? Maybe I will finish it up and post it somewhere for people to read and enjoy and loathe and so on. Maybe, maybe not.
Other than that, not much else to report. I just didn't feel like this blog not having an update - even a minor thing like this - once again for yet another month. There's just too much going on in my head and not enough patience in reserves for me to be able to get it all down to paper. I would really, really like that, but I'm also entirely too much of a goddamn realist to have any hope of that happening. Instead, I am fighting to get down as much as I can, and eventually I'll make sense of this jumbled mess of words, ideas, thoughts, emotions, concepts, contexts, and so on.
Anyway, that's about it for now. Might do something a little more serious later tonight.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Am I Racist, Or Just A Sociopath?
Just had an interesting conversation with a good friend. It involved the stance on illegal immigration. While my stance alone could fill a blog, that's not really what I wanted it to be about.
This is a hot topic issue lately, and it's honestly just not something that I feel strongly enough about to really muster any more than a single fuck to give about. I mean, honestly? I understand the issue of how it affects the economy for many Americans that are losing jobs to it, but that wasn't really a huge thing until we started hitting a recession.
Yeah. I just said it. Before you get mad, really sit down and think about it. It was always just a small issue to bring up during political debates, to garner what was once a niche group. Recession hits, and suddenly it's on the top of everybody's shit list and at the end of the day, it's really just a big a problem as it always has been.
I personally feel we brought it among ourselves. We let the problem get there because we were complacent in our excess. Now that things we once had are suddenly going away because we can no longer afford them, we suddenly want to point the finger at something or someone, because it surely can't be our own fault. We're victims here, after all.
Take a moment to really think about it. If you were in a situation where you country's economy and government have both basically collapsed in on themselves, and there isn't really a lot of work to be had, what would you do? Simple. You'd do the human thing, which is take the path of least resistance.
For the record, the following is a good point brought up by someone else in the conversation, and I feel it needs to be on the record, as I agree with it 100%.
Anyway, you see that just a few hundred to thousand miles north, you can hike it up to a country where you could make far more money than you would there. You're going to do it eventually. I know I would.
That being said, if I recall, white Americans are the biggest illegal immigrant problem in the nation, truth be told, seconded only by African-Americans. We brought them here, after all, to help out our infestation.
Don't believe it? Go ask a true Native American.
Anyway, stepping down from the soap box and moving on to the main portion of this entry, I personally have no problems with Asian illegal immigrants. When they come here, we can't really moan about them taking jobs from Americans. Have you ever tried being anything but an Oriental and try to get work at an Oriental-run business of any sort? It rarely happens, and when it does, it's usually in the salon businesses, and it normally doesn't last very long when it does.
The workers of these places are typically family or close friends of some sort, or friends of friends. No outsiders allowed. I'm sure the same can be said of many kinds of local businesses here in America, as the mom and pop dream shops were run until the invention of major corporations.
In the end, I see the Asian illegals coming into this country, getting a job that I had less than zero chance of getting to begin with, and actually contributing to society in some fashion or another. Even if it's making me fatter than what I am, I support them 100% in their endeavors, and give them a salute.
This is a hot topic issue lately, and it's honestly just not something that I feel strongly enough about to really muster any more than a single fuck to give about. I mean, honestly? I understand the issue of how it affects the economy for many Americans that are losing jobs to it, but that wasn't really a huge thing until we started hitting a recession.
Yeah. I just said it. Before you get mad, really sit down and think about it. It was always just a small issue to bring up during political debates, to garner what was once a niche group. Recession hits, and suddenly it's on the top of everybody's shit list and at the end of the day, it's really just a big a problem as it always has been.
I personally feel we brought it among ourselves. We let the problem get there because we were complacent in our excess. Now that things we once had are suddenly going away because we can no longer afford them, we suddenly want to point the finger at something or someone, because it surely can't be our own fault. We're victims here, after all.
Take a moment to really think about it. If you were in a situation where you country's economy and government have both basically collapsed in on themselves, and there isn't really a lot of work to be had, what would you do? Simple. You'd do the human thing, which is take the path of least resistance.
For the record, the following is a good point brought up by someone else in the conversation, and I feel it needs to be on the record, as I agree with it 100%.
Anyway, you see that just a few hundred to thousand miles north, you can hike it up to a country where you could make far more money than you would there. You're going to do it eventually. I know I would.
That being said, if I recall, white Americans are the biggest illegal immigrant problem in the nation, truth be told, seconded only by African-Americans. We brought them here, after all, to help out our infestation.
Don't believe it? Go ask a true Native American.
Anyway, stepping down from the soap box and moving on to the main portion of this entry, I personally have no problems with Asian illegal immigrants. When they come here, we can't really moan about them taking jobs from Americans. Have you ever tried being anything but an Oriental and try to get work at an Oriental-run business of any sort? It rarely happens, and when it does, it's usually in the salon businesses, and it normally doesn't last very long when it does.
The workers of these places are typically family or close friends of some sort, or friends of friends. No outsiders allowed. I'm sure the same can be said of many kinds of local businesses here in America, as the mom and pop dream shops were run until the invention of major corporations.
In the end, I see the Asian illegals coming into this country, getting a job that I had less than zero chance of getting to begin with, and actually contributing to society in some fashion or another. Even if it's making me fatter than what I am, I support them 100% in their endeavors, and give them a salute.
Sunday, January 01, 2012
Second Annual Obligatory Post
Well, I certainly hope you all had a good celebration to herald in a new year full of the same kinds of mistakes and overall bullshit antics that make our lives so incredibly fun.
Keeping with the tradition started last year, this is the annual Obligatory Post, where I join everyone else in making promises that I likely won't be able to keep, but will do my best to aspire towards, anyway.
I'm currently sitting here at a friend's house, bantering back and forth with him about a future project that we have some very real aspirations for. The only problem with this is that our personalities clash a good bit, due to constant miscommunication.
Admittedly, this is mostly my fault.
Anyway, without taking that overly-critical path, I just figured I'd take some time to catch everyone up about things. I've been mentioning to various writing projects all year long - some of which were surprisingly well-received. I want to assure all those interested that those projects haven't been forgotten, only delayed.
I've been on a severe time crunch this month, working myself at my day job half to death to be able to afford a very important ticket, as well as the time off being taken that will follow, starting today. I've not had time to do much of anything but work this job, hence why my posts have been irregular lately, and why they've not really been following the theme I was trying to set down.
Don't worry; the next time that I make another post, I want it to be the follow-up to the basis of my philosophy. I really want to share this idea with you all, and I do have plans on continuing the short story snippet that I posted a few months back. That particular project has just hit a brick wall.
I also decided to open a Twitter account so that it would make it easier for those of you who don't have blogger accounts to follow me if you are interested.
I will probably be silent for the next two weeks, not making another post until probably exactly 14 days from today. If it does happen, I'll be pleasantly surprised.
Well, that's about it. Be safe, and try not to break any promises.
Okay?
Keeping with the tradition started last year, this is the annual Obligatory Post, where I join everyone else in making promises that I likely won't be able to keep, but will do my best to aspire towards, anyway.
I'm currently sitting here at a friend's house, bantering back and forth with him about a future project that we have some very real aspirations for. The only problem with this is that our personalities clash a good bit, due to constant miscommunication.
Admittedly, this is mostly my fault.
Anyway, without taking that overly-critical path, I just figured I'd take some time to catch everyone up about things. I've been mentioning to various writing projects all year long - some of which were surprisingly well-received. I want to assure all those interested that those projects haven't been forgotten, only delayed.
I've been on a severe time crunch this month, working myself at my day job half to death to be able to afford a very important ticket, as well as the time off being taken that will follow, starting today. I've not had time to do much of anything but work this job, hence why my posts have been irregular lately, and why they've not really been following the theme I was trying to set down.
Don't worry; the next time that I make another post, I want it to be the follow-up to the basis of my philosophy. I really want to share this idea with you all, and I do have plans on continuing the short story snippet that I posted a few months back. That particular project has just hit a brick wall.
I also decided to open a Twitter account so that it would make it easier for those of you who don't have blogger accounts to follow me if you are interested.
I will probably be silent for the next two weeks, not making another post until probably exactly 14 days from today. If it does happen, I'll be pleasantly surprised.
Well, that's about it. Be safe, and try not to break any promises.
Okay?
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Fragment
So, I just now had a pipe dream. Perhaps I can take my future education in sociology and turn it into some sort of shot at stand-up comedy.
I know, I know. It's probably never going to go anywhere, but it's not like it isn't worth the shot. Live by the possibility, not by the probability.
This can be applied to various other aspects of life, and not just doing something that might help you make it big some day. Take your habits, and your hesitance to do things that might be out of your norm, for example.
Just a thought. Nothing really else to go on.
I know, I know. It's probably never going to go anywhere, but it's not like it isn't worth the shot. Live by the possibility, not by the probability.
This can be applied to various other aspects of life, and not just doing something that might help you make it big some day. Take your habits, and your hesitance to do things that might be out of your norm, for example.
Just a thought. Nothing really else to go on.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Observations of an Empty Holiday
As of this writing, it is officially Christmas day. The idea of this day being so beloved, to me, is a foreign concept entirely. There are so many traditions for it among the many cultures in the world that embrace it as a holy Christian holiday all have different ways of going about its celebration.
My father remarried a woman of Philipino persuasion. I'm not entirely sure if I spelled that right, but it doesn't matter. When he married her, he did so knowing about her four kids - all of whom I have personally accepted as family - before hand, and still did it.
Sidetrack: Say what you will about that situation, I know from experience what it is to go into that situation, and therefore know what it takes to do it.
This year, I decided to "celebrate," more than anything, finally not having anything to do after having to work long hours for the holiday season, with this extended and accepted family.
Now, I want to make this vehemently clear: I hate the holidays, and the entire holiday season. I have my own views - which I will discuss in a minute - with the very idea of Christmas, and what it has become.
Coming from outside of the usual norm of society in general, and not dealing well with people that, as a general rule, make me very nervous. This is a feeling that can only be achieved by being around family members.
Every Christmas, a huge meal is prepared. When I say huge, we're not exactly talking feast levels, but most certainly huge. There is fellowship, talking, laughing, and true bonding. And eating. Oh, dear God, is there ever eating. Overall, it's a very pleasant experience, and there is photographic evidence of me actually smiling in this situation.
And I'm not even talking one of those faked, forced smiles that you see all too often on Facebook, or in the face of a retail employee as they try and maintain friendly professionalism when either you or another is being a total pain in the ass. You've all seen the look at one point or another. I'm talking about a real, genuine smile.
Despite my anti-social tendencies, I tend to enjoy time around people that I love.
Then - and it always seems entirely too soon - the time comes to open the presents.
Now, I'm not entirely sure what it is, but when this time comes, these family members turn into ravenous dogs, and behave as such. The presents in their eyes must appear as delicious, delicious ham with the way that they begin behaving.
Rather than going into details, I'll leave it to your imagination to run with that analogy.
If nothing else, it's a perfect reminder of what Christmas is really about anymore, and that's the act of receiving more than that of giving. You give better to get better. It's a vicious cycle that does nothing more that I can see than to generate more money out of nowhere for some evil genius of a bastard that I somehow see in a three-piece suit, sitting behind a desk, fingers steeple-formed in front of an old face with a bald head. I'm sure it sounds stupid when you read it, but in my head, it's both terrifying and comical.
This holiday has been a sham since its inception, and while the concept of proper behavior before this holiday to receive reward but also to recognize it and give it in return is awesome as all hell, it hasn't been close to that in I don't even know how long. At least as long as Charlie Brown has been around, so at least as long as 50 years.
Most people don't know that the holiday of Christmas was built around a Pagan holiday, and that it was manipulated into the birthday of Christ so it was easier for the early Vatican to assimilate Pagans into Christianity; in the case of the fundamentalist right-wing cranks, they just simply refuse to accept it.
Seeing as how the biggest premise of this holiday is supposed to be the sense of companionship, family, friends, giving, and so on. Yet, every year, we hear of people going insane and harming others in their rush to get Black Friday deals. I'd like to say that at least no deaths have occurred over such behavior.
No, really. I would love to be able to say that not only without lying, but with a straight face. I can at least change the latter, and am working vigilantly to do so.
This isn't anything like it's supposed to be. It's become about greed. How many people do you know that were worried about Christmas presents for their kids? How many people do you know that complained of worries about their kids "not having enough" for Christmas? I'm sure it's quite a few.
At best, it's become a secular holiday that is rarely celebrated in its true spirit, and even those who do it are doing it under all the wrong reasons because of false belief.
At worst (read: right fucking now) it has become a part of a bigger machine run by conglomerates that have too much power, as far as I'm concerned. Some would say that it's a way for certain industries to quite literally make money, as in make it come from nothing.
No matter which way you looked at it, it makes celebrating this idea for anything other than what it is - a festival to human greed and the American love of over-ingesting anything to the point of excess - then you are doing nothing more than perpetuating the problem and not addressing the real issue, but rather feeding it: why you are such a consumer whore.
I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade by saying any of this. I'm just kind of sitting here, on the outside of normal society as ever, and writing down what I see. And what I see is that Christmas has fallen a long way from what it used to be, and it's depressing.
As much as I would love to continue this, I find myself falling asleep at this little laptop thingie.
Enjoy your Pagan holiday.
My father remarried a woman of Philipino persuasion. I'm not entirely sure if I spelled that right, but it doesn't matter. When he married her, he did so knowing about her four kids - all of whom I have personally accepted as family - before hand, and still did it.
Sidetrack: Say what you will about that situation, I know from experience what it is to go into that situation, and therefore know what it takes to do it.
This year, I decided to "celebrate," more than anything, finally not having anything to do after having to work long hours for the holiday season, with this extended and accepted family.
Now, I want to make this vehemently clear: I hate the holidays, and the entire holiday season. I have my own views - which I will discuss in a minute - with the very idea of Christmas, and what it has become.
Coming from outside of the usual norm of society in general, and not dealing well with people that, as a general rule, make me very nervous. This is a feeling that can only be achieved by being around family members.
Every Christmas, a huge meal is prepared. When I say huge, we're not exactly talking feast levels, but most certainly huge. There is fellowship, talking, laughing, and true bonding. And eating. Oh, dear God, is there ever eating. Overall, it's a very pleasant experience, and there is photographic evidence of me actually smiling in this situation.
And I'm not even talking one of those faked, forced smiles that you see all too often on Facebook, or in the face of a retail employee as they try and maintain friendly professionalism when either you or another is being a total pain in the ass. You've all seen the look at one point or another. I'm talking about a real, genuine smile.
Despite my anti-social tendencies, I tend to enjoy time around people that I love.
Then - and it always seems entirely too soon - the time comes to open the presents.
Now, I'm not entirely sure what it is, but when this time comes, these family members turn into ravenous dogs, and behave as such. The presents in their eyes must appear as delicious, delicious ham with the way that they begin behaving.
Rather than going into details, I'll leave it to your imagination to run with that analogy.
If nothing else, it's a perfect reminder of what Christmas is really about anymore, and that's the act of receiving more than that of giving. You give better to get better. It's a vicious cycle that does nothing more that I can see than to generate more money out of nowhere for some evil genius of a bastard that I somehow see in a three-piece suit, sitting behind a desk, fingers steeple-formed in front of an old face with a bald head. I'm sure it sounds stupid when you read it, but in my head, it's both terrifying and comical.
This holiday has been a sham since its inception, and while the concept of proper behavior before this holiday to receive reward but also to recognize it and give it in return is awesome as all hell, it hasn't been close to that in I don't even know how long. At least as long as Charlie Brown has been around, so at least as long as 50 years.
Most people don't know that the holiday of Christmas was built around a Pagan holiday, and that it was manipulated into the birthday of Christ so it was easier for the early Vatican to assimilate Pagans into Christianity; in the case of the fundamentalist right-wing cranks, they just simply refuse to accept it.
Seeing as how the biggest premise of this holiday is supposed to be the sense of companionship, family, friends, giving, and so on. Yet, every year, we hear of people going insane and harming others in their rush to get Black Friday deals. I'd like to say that at least no deaths have occurred over such behavior.
No, really. I would love to be able to say that not only without lying, but with a straight face. I can at least change the latter, and am working vigilantly to do so.
This isn't anything like it's supposed to be. It's become about greed. How many people do you know that were worried about Christmas presents for their kids? How many people do you know that complained of worries about their kids "not having enough" for Christmas? I'm sure it's quite a few.
At best, it's become a secular holiday that is rarely celebrated in its true spirit, and even those who do it are doing it under all the wrong reasons because of false belief.
At worst (read: right fucking now) it has become a part of a bigger machine run by conglomerates that have too much power, as far as I'm concerned. Some would say that it's a way for certain industries to quite literally make money, as in make it come from nothing.
No matter which way you looked at it, it makes celebrating this idea for anything other than what it is - a festival to human greed and the American love of over-ingesting anything to the point of excess - then you are doing nothing more than perpetuating the problem and not addressing the real issue, but rather feeding it: why you are such a consumer whore.
I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade by saying any of this. I'm just kind of sitting here, on the outside of normal society as ever, and writing down what I see. And what I see is that Christmas has fallen a long way from what it used to be, and it's depressing.
As much as I would love to continue this, I find myself falling asleep at this little laptop thingie.
Enjoy your Pagan holiday.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Ventilation and Hubris
Okay, I am seriously feeling the need to explain something to the general public, and I'm fairly certain that you're not going to like it.
I work for a local hobby retailer, and while I love my job, I have to say that there is one phrase that I am getting sick to death of hearing. It's a phrase that every time it's said by some blank-faced, wide-eyed parent that couldn't tell their ass from applesauce, I smile ruefully and proceed to tell them as polite as possible that they are in the wrong store.
"What do you have in here for a 3 year old? They are really advanced."
I cringe even writing it. I can hear it in a multitude of voices within my head, and honestly, it's maddening. I really, really wish people would stop and use some common sense before entering my store. I know we look like a toy store at a glance, but I promise you, we aren't a goddamn toy store. That's another 3 shopping centers south on the Pike.
When one enters my shop, they will find remote control cars going ridiculous speeds out of the box, they will find remote control helicopters and airplanes that are fun and yet difficult to fly. I have model kits of all kinds. And for those, we have all the glues and paints that you use to put them together. We even have trains of all different kinds. Hell, we even have model rockets that go over 1000 feet in the air.
Does any of this strike you as merchandise that was built with a toddler in mind? My store is NOT for your children unless they are ten or above. I carry absolutely nothing age appropriate for children of that age.
Further, I'd love to know what makes you think your child is "advanced." The fact that they can put together Lego kits? That doesn't mean anything, really, other than the fact that they can follow simple directions. That doesn't mean they can fly a $500 helicopter, okay? Your child is probably just as dumb as you are.
I work for a local hobby retailer, and while I love my job, I have to say that there is one phrase that I am getting sick to death of hearing. It's a phrase that every time it's said by some blank-faced, wide-eyed parent that couldn't tell their ass from applesauce, I smile ruefully and proceed to tell them as polite as possible that they are in the wrong store.
"What do you have in here for a 3 year old? They are really advanced."
I cringe even writing it. I can hear it in a multitude of voices within my head, and honestly, it's maddening. I really, really wish people would stop and use some common sense before entering my store. I know we look like a toy store at a glance, but I promise you, we aren't a goddamn toy store. That's another 3 shopping centers south on the Pike.
When one enters my shop, they will find remote control cars going ridiculous speeds out of the box, they will find remote control helicopters and airplanes that are fun and yet difficult to fly. I have model kits of all kinds. And for those, we have all the glues and paints that you use to put them together. We even have trains of all different kinds. Hell, we even have model rockets that go over 1000 feet in the air.
Does any of this strike you as merchandise that was built with a toddler in mind? My store is NOT for your children unless they are ten or above. I carry absolutely nothing age appropriate for children of that age.
Further, I'd love to know what makes you think your child is "advanced." The fact that they can put together Lego kits? That doesn't mean anything, really, other than the fact that they can follow simple directions. That doesn't mean they can fly a $500 helicopter, okay? Your child is probably just as dumb as you are.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
The Basis
Okay. It's time to stop screwing around. I've talked about a lot in this blog, but I really want to start getting down to what really matters. To me, at least.
For the past year or so, I've been stewing on this idea; an idea that I believe can help others. This is why I vowed to start getting more personal, but shortly thereafter realized that I jumped the gun.
I just wasn't ready. I didn't have enough thought really put behind what I want to say, and, more importantly, how I want to say it.
What I really want to start talking about more in-depth is how I see things in this crazy yet wonderful world in which we live. I know it isn't perfect, but I've come to see just how great a place this really is, and I want to share it with you all. The only way I know how to do that is through this blog, really.
I want to begin with a basic concept of I view society, and start breaking it down from there. When I had originally written this out in a rough draft form, it was entirely too long for one post. We're talking about seven times pressing the Page Down button on a WordPad file with 10 point font size.
Talk about your classic case of TL;DR (that's "too long; didn't read" for those that don't know acronyms).
The basic visualization of it all comes down to a series of circles. It starts with concentric circles, a small one in the middle and slowly spreading out, not much unlike ripples in a pond.
The circles represent the different tiers of us as a people, and also places us where we stand consciously. As I continue on with my explanation of my point of view of society, life, love, consciousness, faith, and so on, I'm hoping to help anybody else reading this to figure out where they really stand. You may just find that after looking at things from this perspective, you don't really stand where you think you do.
The center circle represents the people who fit in with other categories in society. We'll talk more about those sub-categories later, but for right now, let's keep things simple by keeping this in the context of broad generalization.
The people in this circle have large groups that they can feel comfortable around, and those people share certain - or even many - points of view with the individual. These people are the ones that, for want of a better term and my own lack of creativity when it comes to nomenclature, I call "Normals."
The next circle out, we have the types of people that I refer to as "Half-Normals," as they aren't quite good enough to be with the other Normals, but they don't share the qualities of the third circle. They are the people that aren't exactly with the Outcasts, either. They are somewhere in-between, and are typically comprised of the youthful.
The next edge of the circle is where I call the "Fringe." This is where people go when they have become Outcasts from the other two circles. These people aren't necessarily bad, though. They just have nowhere else to go.
The next circle out is No Man's Land, because you have to be in a really bad spot to be here. You have basically decided to Hell with anybody and everybody else, you're only going to do your own thing. We have all either been here, or felt like we were there at some point in our lives. The people who are in this Circle either don't care, or don't want to be there to begin with.
Again, that's something else we'll talk more about in a little while.
Beyond No Man's Land is Void. There is literally nothing there, because existence as we know it ceases to be in that area. It is absolute zero, if you will. There is no conscious thought, response to stimuli, no awareness.... nothing. I do not believe it possible to be here without being dead, or having come into existence.
As I said earlier, these are all very, very broad generalizations. I'm not going to go further into it now, as I really want you all to just start getting the basis of the concept down. Start thinking about where you believe you stand with the Circles as I have explained them so far. What kind of self-image do you have, and believe that you portray?
Have you ever even thought about it?
Chances are, you have at one time or another, but I'm willing to bet that it was only fleeting. My thought is that one of the biggest hurdles that we face in society and living better lives all-around is that nobody is really sure of who they are, or what they stand for. They have gut feelings, sure, but in the end, we're all kind of running around, all crazy-like, without a clue as to who we really are, or what we're even doing in life.
I've gotten it figured it out for myself, and I want to help anybody else that I can do the same.
For the past year or so, I've been stewing on this idea; an idea that I believe can help others. This is why I vowed to start getting more personal, but shortly thereafter realized that I jumped the gun.
I just wasn't ready. I didn't have enough thought really put behind what I want to say, and, more importantly, how I want to say it.
What I really want to start talking about more in-depth is how I see things in this crazy yet wonderful world in which we live. I know it isn't perfect, but I've come to see just how great a place this really is, and I want to share it with you all. The only way I know how to do that is through this blog, really.
I want to begin with a basic concept of I view society, and start breaking it down from there. When I had originally written this out in a rough draft form, it was entirely too long for one post. We're talking about seven times pressing the Page Down button on a WordPad file with 10 point font size.
Talk about your classic case of TL;DR (that's "too long; didn't read" for those that don't know acronyms).
The basic visualization of it all comes down to a series of circles. It starts with concentric circles, a small one in the middle and slowly spreading out, not much unlike ripples in a pond.
The circles represent the different tiers of us as a people, and also places us where we stand consciously. As I continue on with my explanation of my point of view of society, life, love, consciousness, faith, and so on, I'm hoping to help anybody else reading this to figure out where they really stand. You may just find that after looking at things from this perspective, you don't really stand where you think you do.
The center circle represents the people who fit in with other categories in society. We'll talk more about those sub-categories later, but for right now, let's keep things simple by keeping this in the context of broad generalization.
The people in this circle have large groups that they can feel comfortable around, and those people share certain - or even many - points of view with the individual. These people are the ones that, for want of a better term and my own lack of creativity when it comes to nomenclature, I call "Normals."
The next circle out, we have the types of people that I refer to as "Half-Normals," as they aren't quite good enough to be with the other Normals, but they don't share the qualities of the third circle. They are the people that aren't exactly with the Outcasts, either. They are somewhere in-between, and are typically comprised of the youthful.
The next edge of the circle is where I call the "Fringe." This is where people go when they have become Outcasts from the other two circles. These people aren't necessarily bad, though. They just have nowhere else to go.
The next circle out is No Man's Land, because you have to be in a really bad spot to be here. You have basically decided to Hell with anybody and everybody else, you're only going to do your own thing. We have all either been here, or felt like we were there at some point in our lives. The people who are in this Circle either don't care, or don't want to be there to begin with.
Again, that's something else we'll talk more about in a little while.
Beyond No Man's Land is Void. There is literally nothing there, because existence as we know it ceases to be in that area. It is absolute zero, if you will. There is no conscious thought, response to stimuli, no awareness.... nothing. I do not believe it possible to be here without being dead, or having come into existence.
As I said earlier, these are all very, very broad generalizations. I'm not going to go further into it now, as I really want you all to just start getting the basis of the concept down. Start thinking about where you believe you stand with the Circles as I have explained them so far. What kind of self-image do you have, and believe that you portray?
Have you ever even thought about it?
Chances are, you have at one time or another, but I'm willing to bet that it was only fleeting. My thought is that one of the biggest hurdles that we face in society and living better lives all-around is that nobody is really sure of who they are, or what they stand for. They have gut feelings, sure, but in the end, we're all kind of running around, all crazy-like, without a clue as to who we really are, or what we're even doing in life.
I've gotten it figured it out for myself, and I want to help anybody else that I can do the same.
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