The Game of Blame

Warning: Tonight's topic of discussion is what some would deem "controversial." Certain subjects touched upon tonight can easily be deemed offensive, crude, and downright disrespectful. If any of this bothers you, then do not read past the italicized text.

I've been doing a lot of thinking, lately. I've been ruminating on all sorts of subjects, from what I'm doing with my life to the meaning of existence as a whole. Most of all, though, I've been seeking answers.

I have so many questions, and so few answers to them, but that's alright. We're all in the same boat. We all have questions and inquiries that just can't be answered, for one reason or another. The one answer I have obtained, however, is an important one:

We have nobody to blame for the bad things that happen in our lives but ourselves.

Just about every single bad thing that happens in life is a result - either direct or indirect - of some bad decision or, worse yet, an indecision, that you've made. I know that probably makes a lot of you reading this feel very uncomfortable, as it well should. It's not an easy fact to face, and an even harder one to swallow.

Let's pretend for a moment that you are a parent. If you're already a parent, then this shouldn't be too hard. Anyway, your child has reached - or surpassed - the age where the decision-making process is left up to them. You no longer are in charge of what decisions are made for them, to a degree, and your job has now shifted to teaching that child about the cause and effect of their ability to choose a good decision over a bad one, while shying away from indecisions.

The child wants to go and play outside. Seeing as how the child is old enough to be outside without constant supervision, and you're preparing dinner, you let them outside on the premise that they have to keep their coat on. They agree, but no sooner are they out of your line of sight do they have their coat off and are running around in chilly weather without a care or worry in the world. The next day, however, they come down with a cold. Why? Because they didn't listen to you, the parent, about keeping their coat on.

This example is one that I had to use earlier to explain this particular viewpoint. While it serves its purpose in giving somebody a basic understanding about how I see the world at work, it really doesn't do the perspective a whole lot of justice.

I am a firm believer in Occam's razor, which basically states that the simplest explanation is more often than not the best one. With this particular idea in mind, I propose to you all that everything bad you are facing right now is your own fault, and nobody else's.

Consider the people who are constantly complaining about being broke and not having money to pay rent or bills, and yet they have a brand new sound system for their car, or expensive new shoes. If you are one of these people, tell me why you had the money for these frivolous items, and yet not enough to pay your rent/bills? What was the rationality followed for this decision? I really can't imagine needing these things more than, say, shelter or food.

A more extreme example of this can be found in the people who stay in abusive relationships. I really have no sympathy for people in this position, as it's one that is quite easily changed. While I know a lot of you are cringing right now, all I ask is that you hear me out.

Say you have a friend who entered a relationship, unaware that the person they started to date is an abusive jerk. As soon as this facet of personality is revealed, the logical thing to do is to get out of there. Instead, these people stay in this relationship. Why, I will never know.

I understand that there are some deeply rooted psychological issues that are involved with this situation, and that's well and good. However, there is such a thing as a point where one comes face to face with reason, and should just walk away forever. It's really not that hard to do, even if it seems like the odds against you are insurmountable. If you're a person stuck in an abusive relationship, and you're staying with the abuser due to some ill-conceived notion of love, then you are an idiot, and deserve what you are getting. As much of a jerk as that makes me sound, that's just how I feel about it. The same is said for those of you that are staying together "for the kids." You're doing more harm to those kids than you are good by staying with someone like that, and you need to wake up and realize it.

This brings me to the next point of the discussion. We've covered the cause, and now I feel it appropriate to talk about the effect.

There's a lot that goes through our heads in a short amount of time as we go about making decisions. However, there is one thing that I find most people these days are lacking, and that's an ability to see past the moment and come to the realization that there are consequences for every single action that you take. The problem is that these consequences don't always affect just you, even if it seems that way at the time.

You're a smoker. You've been smoking for years, and you have absolutely no intention of quitting any time soon. When you have a family, though, any sense of common decency says to change your ways. But if you continue to smoke, you're doing a lot of damage to your family, even if the affects aren't immediate. You are putting yourself at a high risk of contracting some form of cancer, and that is quite the devastating experience to all of your family, not to mention your friends. On top of that, you're setting the example for any child you may have that smoking is something that is okay to do. As a result of your decision, the people that you care about now have to sit back and watch you die slowly, and that is not a pleasant experience for anybody. In the end, though, you've got nobody to blame for it but yourself.

These ripples don't only exist in the extreme, though. They also exist in the mundane. In a past entry, I used an example of this kind of mentality by talking about a missed homework assignment. This is the same thing.

Say you decide to call out of work for a day, because you just didn't feel like going in. Because you called out of work, you miss a day of pay. This missed day of pay could have made the difference in being able to afford a new refrigerator when yours blows out, but since you made the choice to call out, you're now stuck for two weeks without a functioning food storage unit. The problem is, the malfunction didn't happen until about a week after you called out, and the reality of what you did doesn't hit you until your next paycheck, which is short on money because you missed a day. Sucks, doesn't it?

I'm not immune to all of this. I'm not known for making good decisions, myself. As a matter of fact, my track record when it comes to choices is pretty much as bad as the Spanish Inquisition.

As it currently stands, I work a job that I hate and pays me like a true wage slave. The sheer amount of absurdity that I have to deal with on a regular basis is enough to drive any man absolutely bonkers. This is, in all honesty, my own fault. I didn't finish school, and nobody else made that choice for me. If I really wanted to, I could have found a way to stay.

I have no car, because I didn't properly maintain the one I had. I also made a bad decision in purchasing a car that was manufactured by a people that can't even properly defend their own borders. Admittedly, I wasn't very responsible with the car, and if I would have made better choices, I wouldn't be in this situation now.

Keep in mind, folks, that I'm not exactly complaining about my station in life. I have come to accept the fact that I'm here for a reason, and that reason is a lack of good decision-making in my past. While I'm currently working towards a better tomorrow, I have to face the fact that my situation is what it is.

Ultimately, the choices that you make are your own. I can do nothing more to influence them than what I'm doing now, and I'm alright with that. You're going to do what you do, just as I'm going to do. The question, though, is do you have what it takes to accept responsibility for what you've done?